Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Cycle Eight - Day 2

Hi y'all. Well, it's cycle 8. I can't believe it - four months ago I was pretty sure I would not get here. Thanks to Lou, Ellen's hubby, for escorting me to chemo and supporting me. Anyway, to take the load off them - I will likely be looking for the other potential escorts. I do have more people in Beantown to shock with the news.

But one thing I feel completely correct about - this ain't life - it's existence, survival and battle. My equanimity is severely strained - perhaps gone. This brings up a phrase a lawyer (L.B.) of Choate, Hall & Stewart in Boston once used in greetings - "How goes the battle?" Old memories flood back. Somehow I associate this with the runner (and Boston Marathon winner) Joanie Benoit Samuelson through a link to her husband Scott who I think was a friend of a hockey buddy, and professional photographer, P. Lincoln C. aka Linc. DP and I met both of them after a she won a 10k in Boston. Small lady, strong legs.

Well, onto technical issues. My oncologist, Dr. Z, thinks I have reached 90% of final curative probability compared to the twelve, yes 12 cycle, protocol. In the spirit of McD oncology, I now have to decide whether to hit myself four more times or a subset of that. It's a real tough decision - increasing the probability of cure vs. increasing the probability of permanent damage - this is a heavy-weight decision. So we are going cycle-by-cycle with the same formula (dose and neut boost).

The warmer weather helps physically. But is has mixed result mentally. I see more people having fun - running, rowing, skating, biking - and I am hooked up to a chemo pump. Feels like I am missing the fun. Since life is finite - and chemo ain't life - the lost time can never be reclaimed - the calculus of long term chemo is more suspect. In that vein, they are giving chemo for longer periods or for "life" - the breast cancer people are far ahead - they give chemo for life - but it must be pretty low on side effects. Dr. Z. , MD & Ph.D. , is organizing a study of chemo , for colon cancer patients, lasting for four years! Wow! and yuck! :-)

Enough for now. Thanks for reading.

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